Pandemonium in Paradise
by destiny-KW
Summary: Every 100 years, the Gotei 13 minus one division sets off on a well earned vacation in paradise. As usual, things will get out of hand. Memories are recalled there, and memories are created. Read to see what pandemonium ensues!
1. The Centennial Vacation

**Pandemonium in Paradise  
The Centennial Vacation**

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**  
**Yamamoto: destiny_KW does not own any of us. keep that in mind.  
(K-chan sits in corner angsting about ownership of Bleach)  
K-chan: (snaps out of angst mode) This is my first bleach FF, so uh…yeah. I hope it's better than my Naruto fics. ENJOY!

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

It was a fine summer's day in Soul Society. Everything seemed peaceful for the moment. Except for in the taicho meeting in the First Division's headquarters. It was that time of the century again. As Yamamoto would happily (which inevitably scares the other captains, for he's almost NEVER happy-happy) put it, "It's time to prepare to embark to the beach!" with a happy, almost evil smile on his face.

The moment he said this, Byakuya sweatdropped internally. _Not again…last time was traumatizing, especially with Ukitake around… _

Soi Fon glanced at her former classmate, saw the subtle disturbed look on his face, and shook her head, smirking. _Byakuya looks depressed. Mwahah._

Unohana appeared to be unmoved by what Yamamoto said. But then again, it's hard to tell what goes on in her scary mind.

Meanwhile, Ukitake and Kyoraku smiled (and when they smile, Nanao and Rukia know that they will be up to no good).

Komamura just shrugged.

Young Hitsugaya had no idea what the hell the sotaichomeant, for he was not part of the Gotei 13 one hundred years ago.

Zaraki and Mayuri just had their evil little (ok, not literally little. But you get my point) smiles plastered on their faces.

After a few minutes of assessing his taichos' reactions, Yamamoto continued. "Do tell your subordinates to start packing. We open the gates tomorrow morning at 9. Anyone who doesn't make it will be stuck here. I'll be sending out a Hell Butterfly with this message shortly. Any questions?"

The room remained silent.

"Dismissed."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Soi Fon made her way back to the Second Division's headquarters with a tiny sense of dread. All the entertainment from Byakuya's subtle freak out diminished, because Omaeda was going to be happy as a duck. Which would make him VERY annoying.

As usual, the Hell Butterfly came to the Second Division first. By the time Soi Fon walked in, she was greeted by the happy cheering of her fukutaicho. "I WILL ACTUALLY GET A VACATION!!" Omaeda yelled, literally skipping around the headquarters with his bag of chips. Soi Fon twitched in pure aggravation. The unclosed package resulted in many chips flying everywhere.

"WOULD YOU JUST SHUT IT? Make yourself useful for once and pack. AND CLEAN UP YOUR MESS!" she ordered in an aggravated manner, shutting the door to her office with a loud slam.

Resting her head on her hands, she thought, _This trip is going to be major failage._

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Izuru Kira was obliviously doing his paperwork that day when the Hell Butterfly fluttered in through the door. _Great, more stuff to do, _he thought before he listened to the message. When it got to the part of vacation, he sunk in his seat even further. _Renji and Shuhei will undoubtedly be very, very happy about this…Urgh. More noise to deal with._

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

By the time Captain Unohana arrived at Division Four's headquarters, Isane appeared to be very ecstatic. "Taicho! Is it going to be fun??" she asked in a hyper manner. "I'm pretty sure I had a dream about some time off," Isane grinned.

Unohana smiled and turned toward her office. "Isane, go start packing. The portal will only open for one hour tomorrow, and we need to be ready before the night ends," she said softly.

"Hai!"

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Meanwhile, in the Fifth Division headquarters, Momo heard the message and began to hum to herself. _This trip sounds like a lot of fun…I wonder how Shiro-chan will react. _She smiled to herself as she finished up what was left of her papers.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Byakuya Kuchiki returned to his headquarters without much of a reaction from his lieutenant. YET. "Renji, can you go run this paper over to the Tenth Division?" he said in his usual calm, cool voice. He was still a bit irked that the sotaicho was still so enthused about the centennial vacation.

Although Byakuya appeared to be in control, his miniature internal self was running around his head, screaming, "DIVERSION, DIVERSION!!! MAKE A DIVERSION—Let's hope Renji doesn't get too unbearable—DIVERSION!"

"Sure!" Renji walked out. Byakuya sighed in relief. Just as he returned his attention back to his paperwork, Renji came running back in.

"TAICHO!Why didn't you tell me there was a VACATION?" he shouted, with the paper still in his hand.

Kuchiki-taicho of the Sixth Division was now irritated, for a number of reasons.  
A) His diversion tragically failed,  
B) Renji was in a state of glee, which equaled annoying in Byakuya's mind,  
AND  
C) Renji had NOT delivered the report to the Tenth Division.

Oh yes, Byakuya Kuchiki was thoroughly pissed. He breathed deeply.

"Renji,"

Renji stopped his happy dance and smiled sheepishly. "Yes, taicho?" There was one thing that Renji knew for sure: when his captain spoke with such a tone, there was trouble. _Crap, _Renji thought. _What did I mess up this time?_

"Why. Did. You. Not. Deliver. The. REPORT?" Byakuya demanded through clenched teeth.

Renji was in for it. _Oops…_ "Uh…on my way over there, the Hell Butterfly mentioned something about vacation," Byakuya death-glared his lieutenant. "And…I ran...back…here?" Renji explained, still smiling nervously, internally praying that he wouldn't die then and there.

Byakuya sighed loudly. "Just deliver the report," he stated slowly, as though talking to a slow person.

"Hai, taicho!!!" Renji ran off in fear, thanking the kami that he didn't die today in his own headquarters.

When no one was looking, Byakuya let his head fall with a thunk on his desk. _This trip is going to suck. EPIC FAIL._

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

At the Seventh Division, Komamura stared out the window, noting how blue the sky was today. Tetsuzaemon Iba appeared quite angry that their division had to stay and "watch" over Soul Society. Komamura noticed his fukutaicho's sulking and said, "It's our division's turn to stay behind, so deal with it,"

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

When the Hell Butterfly reached the Eight Division headquarters, Nanao Ise was already past her breaking point. Her taicho, the flamboyant Kyoraku, was driving her absolutely crazy.

"Do come, Nanao-chan! It'll be fun!" Shunsui Kyoraku cooed with a happy smile on his face.

"NO!" Nanao yelled, stalking outside. "I'm not going, and you can't MAKE me!"

Taking her book, she ran off to her "special" reading spot. _She'll come tomorrow, as usual. Kids these days,_ Kyoraku mused.

Meanwhile, Nanao furiously began to read her book, wondering what the hell the world had come to.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

In the Ninth Division, Shuhei Hisagi listened to the message. Once the butterfly fluttered off towards the Tenth Division, Shuhei chuckled. _Izuru gonna hate this,_ he thought.

As if by cue, Izuru Kira walked in with his usual depressed expression. Except for the fact that it was about five times more gloomy than usual.

"Sup Izuru," Shuhei grinned.

Izuru just gave him a tired, bordering pathetic death glare. If there was a glaring contest between Byakuya and Izuru, Izuru would lose. HORRIBLY.

"PLEASE don't tell me you're actually HAPPY about this," Izuru grumbled, plopping himself down on one of the chairs.

"You know I am," Shuhei teased his friend. "Renji will be hyper, you know,"

Izuru groaned and faked his despair. "PLEASE don't remind me," For the first time in a long time, Izuru Kira smiled. They were going to go back to the times of the olden days. The two lieutenants chuckled.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Renji ran into the Tenth Division headquarters. "This is from Kuchiki-taicho," he gasped, putting the paper on Toshiro Hitsugaya's desk. Toshiro-kun looked very irritated. _What is with the captains today? _Renji thought. _All of them seem pissed the moment I walk in…_

Matsumoto noticed Renji's anxious look. "Don't worry, he's only annoyed because I pestered him about the vacation," she grinned. "It won't last long,"

Renji cautiously backed out of the headquarters and made his way back to his own headquarters to finish the stack Byakuya ever so angrily assigned.

"Matsumoto," Rangiku turned to look at her captain.

"Hai, taicho?" She dazzled him with her most innocent (cough-not really-cough) smile.

"I will ask you one last time, PLEASE go pack or stop interrupting my train of thought with vacation activity ideas or questions. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS UPCOMING EVENT."

Rangiku Matsumoto pouted. "But taichoooo……it's amusing." Toshiro's reasonable, pacifist façade immediately died. He glared at his lieutenant.

"IT'S AN ORDER."  
"Ok, ok…I'll stop…mo,"

At the same time, Momo Hinamori pranced in. "Shiro-chan! Aren't you excited?" Toshiro looked even more annoyed than Rangiku had ever thought was possible.

"NO." he huffed, signing a form about some stupid decision of what to do with the seating of some unknown, low level, newly graduated Shinigami.

"Fine, be that way," Matsumoto retorted. "Momo and I are gonna go pack." Taking Momo's arm, they began to make their way out of the door.

"What about your paper work?" Toshiro asked.  
"For once, I finished it!"

Toshiro Hitsugaya gaped in astonishment at the now empty doorway.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

The Eleventh Division's headquarters were very noisy. Of course, there was always fighting going on, because the Eleventh Division isn't the Eleventh Division without their extremity of violence.

"Oi! Did you hear, Yumichika?" Ikkaku Madarame shouted, his voice heard around the loud din of clashing zanpakuto. "We're finally getting a vacation!"

Yumichika nodded in a serene way. "I'm hyped, alright,"

At the same time, their pink haired child of a lieutenant, Yachiru, jumped onto Ikkaku and crowed, "CUE BALL HEAD! WE'RE GOING ON A VACATION, A VACATION, VACATION!!"

By then, Ikkaku was ticked off. "I DO NOT HAVE A CUE BALL HEAD!!" he yelled, completely enraged by Yachiru's antics.

"Ehh, looks like Pachinko head is maddd!!!" the Eleventh Division's lieutenant grinned. Yumichika smirked as he watched the 2nd and 3rd seat yell at each other.

"OI, YUMICHIKA! THIS ISN'T FUNNY!" Ikkaku roared, throwing his partner a piercing glare.

The violet haired 5th seat just grinned and replied, "Well, I think it is funny," and ambled away, laughing to himself.

Ikkaku gave Yumichika's back a very angry stare. He returned his attention to the giggling pink haired fukutaicho.

"YOU…"  
"What?" Yachiru smiled innocently.  
"STOP CALLING ME CUE BALL HEAD!"  
"Fine, fine…I KNOW! I'll call you BOWLING BALL HEAD!"

Ikkaku was now thoroughly enraged. "FUCK YOU!" he yells, chasing after the short Shinigami, only to bump into a smirking Zaraki Kenpachi.

"What was that?" the taicho of the Eleventh Division asked.  
"…eheh…HEH." Ikkaku smiled, backing away nervously.  
Meanwhile, Yachiru perched onto Zaraki's shoulder and yelled, "FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!!"

Naturally, the rest of the Eleventh Division joined in with the frenzied chanting. And the fighting began explosively. Literally.

"Aw, crap!" Ikkaku yelled, whipping out Houzkimaru. As usual, Zaraki laughed in a manic way, whipping out his nameless zanpakuto. The rings of blades clashing again and again filled the Eleventh Division's headquarters.

Meanwhile, Yumichika leaned against the wall watching the captain and third seat battle. Eventually, the other members of the Eleventh Division got bored, and began to spar against each other.

Yumichika Ayasegawa then somehow drifted off to sleep, only to be startled awake by a deafening boom.

That boom was the explosion of the Eleventh Division headquarters. As usual, Zaraki and Ikkaku overdid it.

"SHIT!" Ikkaku shouted. "THIS IS THE THIRD TIME THE HEADQUARTERS HAVE COLLAPSED IN A MONTH!"

Zaraki appeared to be unfazed and left, going to find Mayuri Kurotsuchi to make another, "better" blueprint for the Eleventh Division headquarters.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

At the Twelfth Division headquarters, Mayuri Kurotsuchi was typing away at one of his massive computers, looking through his databases of research. Nemu stood by, watching her "father" mutter to himself as he scrolled through thousands of files.

There was a knock on the door. Mayuri turned around in his chair to see Zaraki walk in. This irritated Mayuri a bit.

"What is it?" he inquired.  
"Headquarters collapsed," Zaraki replied. "AGAIN."

Mayuri "tsk"ed in disapproval, and then sighed. "Ok, I'll get to work on it…"

Once Zaraki left, Mayuri returned to his computer in frustration. "Everyone just loves to give me work the day before vacation…" he grumbled.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

The Thirteenth Division headquarters was rather chaotic. The two third seats were once again arguing who loved their taicho more. Rukia sat in the corner painstakingly bored. She rolled her eyes.

Meanwhile, Ukitake was attempting to do paperwork amidst all the noise. After he finished the last one, he leaned back in his chair. The moment he did that, Kiyone and Sentaro rushed over and began to ask him questions about the vacation.

"TAICHO!" Kiyone screeched. "WHERE IS IT GONNA BE??"  
"It's-" Ukitake started.  
"FOR KAMI'S SAKE, SHUDDUP KIYONE!" Sentaro yelled. "TAICHO, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO THERE?"

Before Ukitake could open his mouth to respond, Rukia screamed, "BOTH OF YOU, SHUT THE HELL UP!"

There was a collective stare. "Rukia-chan!" Kiyone gasped.

Rukia looked pissed. "Thank you for shutting up," The two third seats still stared. "Ukitake taicho, I'm going to go," she continued.

By that, she meant go to the World of the Living to fetch Ichigo to join in on the vacation.

Ukitake nodded. After the captains' meeting, he talked to "Yama-ji" about letting Ichigo come. Yamamoto being Yamamoto, he said yes.

After all, being an old man, he loves to watch the young ones screw around.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Rukia climbed through Ichigo's window. _Where is he?_ she wondered. While she walked around, Kon ran up and ATTEMPTED to hug her.

"RUKIA-NEE-CHAN!!!" he screamed with glee, only to be met with Rukia's foot.

Cutting to the chase, she asked, "Where'd Ichigo go?"

Kon grinned sheepishly, dusting himself off. "I dunno…"

Rukia groaned. "Ok, then…off to hunt down Ichigo," she muttered, jumping out of Ichigo's bedroom window.

After a few minutes, she spotted him walking down the street with Chad, Orihime, and Ishida. "WAI, ICHIGO!" she waved, running to catch up with them.

"Rukia-san! What are you doing here?" Orihime asked. Chad and Ishida just nodded at her.

Rukia explained the whole vacation thing to the group. Sadly, the others couldn't come because coming out of their bodies wasn't part of their package.

"Don't worry, I'll find something to bring back for you guys," Ichigo assured his non-shinigami friends. "Hmm…I SHOULD BRING THE CAMERA!" Then he looked at Rukia and asked, "Is that even possible?"

"I would think so," Rukia replied.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

And so, the Gotei 13 (minus the Seventh Division and plus Ichigo) began to pack for the centennial vacation.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

What did you guys think?? Better than my Naruto fics (they suck like crap). Thanks for supporting me throughout LS…but it's getting HARDER AND HARDER to find funny (like ACTUALLY funny) ideas for it. We'll see. REVIEW PEOPLE, REVIEW!!

-K-chan


	2. Through the Portal

**Pandemonium in Paradise  
Through the Portal**

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

I sadly don't own Bleach, although I wish I did. T-Tii

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

It's 6 AM. Vacation day was here—finally here. Yoruichi Shihoin and Kisuke Urahara were also prepared to go too. Ichigo left Kon to his body and ran off to Urahara's shop.

"Wai!" Ichigo yelled, dragging a suitcase and tote with him. It looked quite ungainly, because black Shinigami kimonos and suitcases don't really mix. Add in Ichigo's sunglasses and it just looks weird.

Yoruichi walked out in her feline form, deliberately walking circles around Ichigo's feet. "YORUICHI!" Ichigo yelled. "That is so…WRONG!"

Yoruichi snorted. "What? I can't even greet someone?"

Ichigo looked very embarrassed. "NOT LIKE THAT!"

"Calm it down, yeesh," Urahara murmured, entering the room. "The portal's ready, so we might as well get going. We don't want to be late,"

And thus the motley crew went through the portal.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

It just so happened to be the day that the cleaner thing was cleaning.

"GOD DAMMIT!! WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE CLEANING TODAY?" Ichigo screamed in panic, running as fast as he possibly could with his Zanpakuto and his bags. "SHIT!"

Meanwhile, the Goddess of Flash and Kisuke Urahara ran ahead, leaving Ichigo to fend for himself.

"YOU GUYS SUCK!"

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

While Urahara and Yoruichi got to Seireitei in record timing, Ichigo was a tad late.

"Where's Ichigo?" Rukia inquired, observing that Ichigo was missing from the group of "3".

Yoruichi looked back at the gate. "Oops…" She grinned. "He'll live,"

At that same moment, Ichigo came bursting out of the portal right onto Yoruichi.  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"

There was a loud thud that would make you wince. Ichigo turned to look at who he was sitting on and screamed yet again. "AHHHHHH!!! WHAT THE HECK?" He jumped up, dusting off the "cooties".

"Mo, I'm not that germy," Yoruichi smirked evilly as she too got up. "Oh yeah, take your bags," she said, throwing the suitcase and tote to Ichigo.

"GAH! SCREW YOU!"

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Everyone met at Sokyoku Hill. Old Yamamoto sotaicho stood in front of the crowd. Everyone was there—except Omaeda.

Soi Fon cackled evilly to herself. _YES! My glutton of a lieutenant won't make it on time! I'll actually get a vacation. Muahaha. I guess I could've been a bit more reserved with the traps, but heck, WHATEVER. It's not like he'll wake up now._

Yup. Our Soi Fon set up so many traps in her fukutaicho's house that he would be practically trapped in there for five hours disassembling them. She was that desperate.

Byakuya noted Omaeda's absence. He leaned over toward Soi Fon and whispered in her ear, "You just HAD to get rid of him, didn't you? You must be more desperate than me,"

Soi Fon turned to face her childhood friend and asked, "You really think I'm that evil?" with a smirk. "I mean, his idea of a vacation is pigging out on chips, I mean, really. REALLY. He doesn't need a vacation," She rolled her eyes.

Byakuya just raised his eyebrows and returned his attention to Yamamoto, who was giving the whole introduction to the vacation speech. Heard it, been there, done it, no need to listen.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

The Eleventh Division hung out in the back corner. Yachiru was happily perched on Zaraki's back.

"So…When are the headquarters gonna be fixed?" Ikkaku asked. "I mean, you DID tell the science freak, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, I did. He was pretty damn pissed about it too. Practically threw a hissy fit after I left," Zaraki responded. "He really as some issues, that Kurotsuchi…"

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

In the other dark corner, Izuru Kira and Shuhei Hisagi chatted idly. It was mainly small talk. They would talk business once they got the lay of the land over there. Hell yeah, it was time for a prank war.

"So…will Renji join us or not?" Izuru inquired, looking over lazily to where the sotaicho was standing.

"He better be," Shuhei replied. "Besides the girls, I really want to prank the captains. It's not like you can do that everyday. They're always so on guard and tied up. Wait…Maybe we can get Ichigo to join us too,"

Izuru nodded. "This is gonna get interesting…"

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

In the middle of the talking mob were Rangiku and Momo.

"I just know Kira and his gang are gonna do something," Rangiku muttered, scanning the crowd for the said people. "And you know me, I just HAVE to retaliate."

Momo looked over at Izuru and Shuhei. "You're right," she replied. "If the prank's on Shiro-chan, then I'm definitely gonna get back at them,"

THE Nanao Ise appeared outta nowhere and joined in the convo. "I say we make this vacation guys verses girls," Nanao grinned.  
Now, it wasn't one of her happy, pure, benevolent grins. This was one of the evil, sadistic grins that Shunsui Kyoraku fears.  
"But then again, they don't need to know that…" Nanao continued.  
Can't you almost hear the DUNDUN DUNN DUNNN! music in the background?  
"Whaddya say?"

The brunette and ginger agreed. "Now, if only we can get little Yachiru into the mix…then we'd have a kick-ass team." Nanao said aloud. The girls laughed loudly.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Somewhere in Seireitei, Ichigo, Renji, and Rukia were late.

"Kuso! Ichigo, why did you have to pack such a freaking heavy bag?" Renji demanded, helping Ichigo carry the giant suitcase.

"I dunno! It just ended up being this heavy! At least you guys aren't fining me for overweight bags like they do in the airport…" Ichigo grumbled.

In unison, Rukia and Renji asked, "What is an airport?"

Ichigo was reminded that he was dealing with people ten times older than him, yet the same biological age as him. He then briefly explained what an airport and airplane was, and rambled about all the stupid fees they charge you these days because they're evil like that.

They reached the hill in perfect timing.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

The talking ceased as Yamamoto calmly tapped his staff to get everyone's attention.

"It is time for the portal to open," he announced. "Let the Centennial Vacation begin."

Then, this giant Japanese style gate opened. It was HUGE, much bigger than any of the other gates anyone had ever seen or used before.

Group by group, everyone stepped in.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Contrary to the gate from the Land of the Living and Soul Society, there was no cleaner or long distance to travel. Ichigo Kurosaki was a lucky man. You just step in, walk blindly in the whiteness for a few seconds, and BAM! You're there.

What the Shinigami saw before them was an enchanting island. There were palm trees, beaches, cliffs, and waterfalls. There was a collective "Oooh…" excluding our usually silent members, such as Byakuya, Soi Fon, Zaraki, Mayuri, Nemu, Ukitake, Kyoraku, and Unohana, just to name a few.

Now that everyone was standing on the beach, Yamamoto said, "TO THE BEACH HOUSE!"

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

So…WHADDYA THINK? REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!

The bunking assignments are next. MWEHEH. But, being me, I have to let you guys guess until the next chap comes out. XD

The prank wars are gonna be chaotic…AND I WANT YOUR IDEAS! You can kinda tell what the teams are (guys, girls, some captains)…so…PM me or click that button right down there! There's gonna be multiple prank chapters, so yeah. I WANT YOU PEOPLE WHO ARE LAZING AROUND (like me) TO DO SOMETHING!

SINCERE GRATITUDE AND A MOMENT OF FAME TO THOSE WHO CONTRIBUTE, AND MAYBE EVEN A VIRTUAL COOKIE OF YOUR CHOICE. X3

-K-chan


	3. Bunking Assignments

**Pandemonium in Paradise  
Bunking Assignments**

* * *

K-chan no own Bleach. T-T K-chan wished she did, but she doesn't. So, K-chan writes fanfiction make her own version of Bleach.

There is a mention about ages in here. For all I am concerned, in MY series, the shinigamis' ages are 10 times of what they appear to be.  
Example: Rukia looks 15-ish, so she'd be around 150. GOT IT? GOOD!

ENJOY.

* * *

After taking the grand tour of the island, Yamamoto led the Gotei 13 (or technically, 12, because the Seventh Division is back in Seireitei) plus Ichigo and minus Omaeda to a beach house.

It really looked more an inn, but bah. It was a beach house the size of the hotel. Basically, a mansion.

Everyone ran into the auditorium (why a hotel/beach house has an auditorium, I have no idea! But it fits, so let me be!).

Yamamoto took out his laptop (yes, I know…another un-Soul Society type of technology. There's a lot, so deal with it), plugged it to the LCD projector, and remote-controlled the screen to come down.

There was free seating, so everyone sat wherever they liked.

Hanataro, Toshiro and Momo were in the front, because they were short (no offense to short people. I'm pretty short myself. I'm only 5'1").  
Rangiku was in the row right behind Momo and her captain, to make sure they weren't doing anything "inappropriate".

Ukitake and Kyoraku sat in the second row chatting, because they were crazy old men like that.  
Nanao Ise sat as far as she could away from her taicho.  
On the other hands, Kiyone and Sentaro put themselves right behind Ukitake, competing to be the best 3rd seat.

Ichigo, Rukia, and Renji sat somewhere in the middle.  
Byakuya and Soi Fon put themselves in a dark corner in the back, because they're anti-social like that.  
Unohana and her forever loyal fukutaicho Isane sat on one side of the auditorium.  
Kurotsuchi and Nemu sat in the other back corner.  
Kira and Hisagi were somewhere in the back, scheming for their surprise attack on the girls.

Everyone else randomly sat in the leftover seats.

Originally, Zaraki and Yachiru sat in front of the projector, only to be shooed away by the sotaicho, who yelled loudly, "You two are blocking my LCD projector!" and began to rant in general about how people should not block THE Yamamoto-sotaicho's projector. Sasakibe just sweatdropped as he stood next the screen.

_I have such an OCD taicho…_

Somewhere behind them, Ikkaku and Yumichika snickered. They'd be in for it later by THE Kenpachi, but they couldn't resist enjoying the moment. Thus, a slightly irritated Zaraki moved. It was a good thing Yachiru was there to keep him in "good" spirits. Nobody would die today. HOPEFULLY.

* * *

Once everybody shut up, the assignments began.

On the screen, there was a room featuring 3 bunk beds, a mirror and table (for make over purposes), a medium sized TV, an iHome, and a bean bag area. The white walls had black plant-like designs painted on it.

"Ok! This is the girls' room!" Good old Yama-ji announced fearlessly. "Ise-fukutaicho, Rukia Kuchiki, Hinamori-fukutaicho, Nemu Kurotsuchi-fukutaicho, Rangiku Matsumoto-fukutaicho, and Yachiru Kusajishi-fukutaicho, this will be your room. It's on the 3rd floor."

In the front, Momo and Rangiku high fived each other. Nanao sighed in relief that the room wasn't a garish pink. Yachiru pouted for the same reason. Rukia and Nemu didn't really react.

The next photo came up, and it was very similar to the girls' room. It had 3 bunk beds, bean bag chairs, a gigantic TV, and a PS3. The walls were black with random white squares.

"This is the guys' room…and the people bunking in here will be…Renji Abarai-fukutaicho, Izuru Kira-fukutaicho, Shuhei Hisagi-fukutaicho, Ichigo Kurosaki, Toshiro Hitsugaya-taicho, and Ikkaku Madarame."

Yumichika then yelled, "WAIT! WHAT ABOUT ME THEN?"

The sotaicho paused and appeared to ponder the issue. "You can sleep on their floor Ayasegawa!" the sotaicho responded in a leisurely manner.

Poor Yumichika. _But…IT'LL MESS UP MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!! _he mused silently. _NOOO!_

Reading his friend's freaked out facial expression, Ikkaku groaned. "If it makes you feel any better, I'll take the floor instead…" he grumbled. Yumi-kun brightened up at the thought.

Meanwhile, Rangiku yelled, "WAIT A MINUTE! HOW COME THE GUYS GET A HUGE TV AND A PS3 WHILE WE DON'T GET A WII?"

Just noticing this, Yachiru added in her "YEAH!! YACHIRU WANTS TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES AT NIGHT!"

Nanao rolled her eyes. _How immature of Matsumoto,_ she thought.

In the middle, Renji and Ichigo looked expectantly at Rukia, waiting for her response.

"WHAT? Is there something on my face?"  
"No…but aren't you gonna say anything about the lack of games in your room?" Renji inquired.  
"Hell no. I'm just gonna raid your room instead,"  
The two boys slapped their foreheads.

After resolving Yumichika's issue and totally ignoring Yachiru and Rangiku's complaints (SEXIST!! XD), Yamamoto moved on.

"Ok…Well, if you remember, those are the only two 'big' rooms. The rest of you will be in pairs."

Now the screen displayed a typical hotel style queen/king size bed room.

"The first pair is Retsu Unohana-taicho and Isane Kotetsu-fukutaicho," the sotaicho continued. "Then Shunsui Kyoraku-taicho and Jushiro Ukitake-taicho, Mayuri Kurotsuchi-taicho and Zaraki Kenpachi-taicho—"

An imminent flare in reiatsu occurred. To be more precise, it was Zaraki's reiatsu.

"WHAT? YOU'RE SAYING I HAVE TO SHARE ROOMS WITH THIS SCIENTIFIC FREAK?" he yelled.

"Well, at least I'm not as uncontrollable as you, you feisty creature," Mayuri retorted from the other side of the auditorium.

"You wanna take this outside?"  
"After we're done here, sure, why not? It would be an interesting experiment,"  
"AGAIN WITH THE EXPERIMENTS! You're gonna regret this bastard."  
"Tsk, tsk, Kenpachi. You should be watching your language. There are young ones here." Mayuri grinned, looking around.  
"OH YEAH, WELL I OUGHTA—"

At that point, Yamamoto thumped his cane/stick on the floor. "Order!"

The bickering stopped. Mayuri sulked while Zaraki fumed. His reiatsu was still out of control.

"Kenpachi-taicho, if you would, PLEASE control your spiritual pressure," Sasakibe requested.

"Yeah Ken-chan! We don't wanna scare everyone else away," Yachiru chirped.  
Zaraki glared at Sasakibe but obeyed.

"You two will be sharing a room, whether you like it or not," Yamamoto declared in his authoritative old man voice. "Your room will have two separate full beds, unlike the others, which are king and queen beds, so I suggest you keep your mouths shut,"

The two captains had a lightning glare from opposite ends of the room but shut up immediately.

Sensing that the atmosphere was becoming too hostile, Yamamoto decided to continue. "Achem. Now where was I…Oh yes, there is one more assignment."

Being the observant man he was, it finally dawned on Byakuya that he would be stuck with Soi Fon.

"Soi Fon-taicho and Byakuya Kuchiki-taicho will be in the last room,"

The whole room seemed to drop a few degrees, and the spiritual pressure emanating from the back of the room was becoming unbearable.

From his vantage point, Renji could tell his captain was pissed. Nobly pissed. Byakuya sat in his freaking straight posture and gave an icy glare to the world at the same time. How he does it, the world will never know.

Meanwhile, Soi Fon's eyebrows were…uh, twitching, from disbelief. They were childhood buddies and all, but she didn't want the subordinates to get the wrong idea. So, she naturally argued.

"WHAT?!" Soi Fon spat. "Sotaicho, you're sticking me with HIM? This—" she jabbed a finger in Byakuya's direction. Byakuya did not look amused at what her excuse was. He cut her off.

"What Soi Fon-taicho means, Yamamoto-sotaicho, is that she honestly does not think it was wise of you to assign us to the same room," Byakuya stated. "Seeing how we are barely acquainted and all," He turned to face Soi Fon. "Right?" He smiled slightly in an almost congenial manner.  
Soi Fon scowled.

"Goodness, I don't understand this at all," the old man mused out loud. "One hundred years ago, you guys were always together. What does one hundred years do to you anyways?"

The two captains began to death glare the sotaicho. _WHY DID HE HAVE TO SAY THAT?_ Meanwhile everyone else tried to piece the bits together.

_One hundred years ago…which mean they were 140-ish…and they slept in the same room? THEY LIKED EACH OTHER, WERE FRIENDS, WHAT? I'M SO CONFUSED!!_

As people began to chatter amongst themselves in disbelief, Byakuya and Soi Fon sweatdropped. They glared at each other at the same time, as if to blame the other for their predicament.

Genryusai just looked at the two captains and said, "You two have done it before, and you two WILL do it again. Put aside all of your status issues and DEAL WITH IT."

_I never thought it was possible for Kuchiki-taicho to be burned…out of all people._ Renji shuddered. Lesson of the day: Never, EVER get THE Yamamoto Genryusai pissed. Horrible consequences if you don't comply.

The two sulking captains immediately obeyed and fumed silently in the back.

"Ok then, that wraps up the assembly for tonight! Go get some rest!"

* * *

WAHAHA! I'M DONE! YESS! Now…CLICK THAT GREEN BUTTON DOWN THERE!

I am still needing prank ideas (because I'm an only child and not really crafty). NOT TEAM PAIRINGS. Thanks anyways.

-K-chan


	4. Settling In

**Pandemonium in Paradise  
Settling In**

* * *

K-chan no own Bleach! If I did, Byakuya would be psychic and have OOC moments. XD

**Example:**  
(In Zanpakuto Unknown Tales arc)  
Byakuya: I betrayed Soul Society merely because I was following my instinct, which was to defend my pride. (whispers) Not that I have much left. (regular volume, creepy mode) WAHAHAHAHA!  
Rukia: Nii-sama! (thinks) _WTF IS HE DOING? Should I be scared?_  
Byakuya: (back to normal) Rukia, I'm merely doing exactly what I just said. (psycho mode) And yes, YOU SHOULD BE SCARED! MWAHAHA!  
Rukia: YOU CAN READ MINDS? WTF! O.O  
Senbonzakura: HELL YEAH, AND YOU SHOULD BE SCARED!  
Byakuya: (full on bitch/fag mode) OMFG, STOP SAYING AND THINKING "WHAT THE EFF!" YES, I'M PSYCHIC! NOW STOP THINKING DIRTY THOUGHTS ABOUT THAT CARROT HEAD! YOU MAKE ME SICK! (sticks out hand, as in 'talk to the hand')  
Rukia: O.o Weird…  
Byakuya: Anyway, what was I talking about?  
Senbonzakura: No idea...  
Ichigo: Can I PLEASE shut him up and freaking kill him?  
Senbonzakura: OVER MY DEAD BODY! BYAKUYA IS MINE!

Now don't get me wrong, I love Bya. He's absolutely awesome. But it's so FUN to make fun of him.

I think it's a pretty bad thing I don't own bleach…cuz then, you're missing out on all the chaos. But that's why I'm on . XD

Ok, ok. On to the story.

* * *

As the shinigami piled out of the auditorium, there was a lot of noise.

The six girls and 7 boys (oh wow, I just made most the lieutenants sound like children…OOPS) ran up to the 3rd floor. Everyone else made it to their rooms, never getting lost thanks to the signs on EVERY SINGLE FREAKING WALL.

* * *

Byakuya and Soi Fon arrived at their room. It coincidentally was the same room they shared last time, with another friend.

"Yamamoto really has a great sense of humor," Soi Fon spat, literally throwing her stuff to one side of the room. "Putting us together again…doesn't he already know that's chaotic?" she sighed. "Need I go over whose side is who's once again?" she smirked, using her finger to draw an imaginary line of where the "border" was.

The usually stoic captain just smirked in response and placed his belongings on the other side of the line. "No need at all,"

"Good," Soi Fon grinned. "Because if you cross this line, you better be prepared to bring this house down with me."

"About that," Byakuya stated. "We need to 'scare' the lieutenants and subordinates a bit."

Soi Fon turned to face her old friend. "Well then. I have a pretty good idea of what we're doing tonight," She whipped out two pieces of paper and two pens. "Begin."

* * *

In the guys' room, things were getting rowdy. But hey, that's what guys do.

"OK, WE'RE PLAYING CALL OF DUTY!" Ichigo yelled, seizing a PS3 controller and opening the game package.

Renji stared at the controller that was thrown into his hands. "I hope you know what you'll be doing because I am as sure as hell that I will kill us all, so don't wait for my person,"

"So you're implying that you're a noob," Ichigo concluded aloud.  
"I NEVER SAID THAT!"  
"Well, I said you IMPLY. You do know what that means, right?"  
"YES, DAMMIT." Renji huffed.

At that point, Toshiro said, "So you ARE a noob,"  
Renji glared at the prodigy and spat, "NOT. HELPING. TAICHO."  
The young captain just shrugged and said, "I'm a captain. I'm not supposed to be helping you out on your social blunders." Toshiro grinned.

Meanwhile, Ikkaku and Yumichika began to type in all the game cheats they knew. Don't ask, but somehow the Eleventh Division has special gaming rights for all the violent games…so they knew PLENTY of cheat codes.

"Invincibility…Unlimited Ammo…Ok, I think that's it." Ikkaku muttered. Yumichika nodded in agreement.

Since there were only 4 controllers, Izuru, Hisagi, and Toshiro sat in the back watching the others shoot down all the enemies.

* * *

The girls' room was not that much calmer.

Sugar crazed Yachiru was running around and jumping on her top bunk. Meanwhile, Nemu just laid on her bed, staring at the ceiling. Nanao was reading a book, and was getting increasingly pissed with the pink head. Rukia just read along with Nanao. Near the mirror, Rangiku was blackmailing Momo into getting a makeover.

"C'mon, PLEASE?" Matsumoto whined. "Momo, PLEASE! You'll look so CUTE!"  
Momo sweatdropped. "No, that's ok Rangiku…REALLY, DON'T."  
"If you don't, I'mma tell taicho you LOOOVE him!" Matsumoto played her last card. "As in, MORE THAN A FRIEND!"  
"RANGIKU!! WHAT IF HE'S OUTSIDE?" Momo wailed, slapping her best friend and promptly shutting her up.  
"Psht, why would taicho be outside anyways? It's not like he's a stalker…UNLESS, HE'S YOUR STALKER WHO IS MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU!"  
"RANGIKU, FOR KAMI'S SAKE, JUST SHUT IT!!" Momo screamed, blushing like crazy.

Saving Momo, Yachiru then obliviously bounded over and screamed, "YACHIRU-CHAN WANTS A MAKEOVER!"  
That immediately shut up the ginger about blackmailing Momo and she began to work on the child.

This left Momo to rummage her iPod out from her bag and plonked it into the iHome, blasting Tik Tok by Ke$ha (I own a COPY of the song, but I don't own its rights, lolz).Then somewhere along the way, books and makeovers abandoned, the girls began to dance around.

* * *

A few doors down, Mayuri and Zaraki were battling it out verbally.

Being a scientist, Mayuri Kurotsuchi was naturally a germaphobe.

"Did you hear me Kenpachi? Keep your trash away from my stuff, ok?" the scientist spat, using his finger to draw a line through the room. "Your side, my side."  
(A/N: THE SECOND INCIDENCE OF FINGERS DRAWING BOUNDARY LINES IN SHARED ROOMS! O.O)

Zaraki was totally unmoved by the other captain's outburst, and DELIBRATELY put his bag on Mayuri's side of the line, just to see how freaked out he would get.

"ARE YOU DEAF?" the Twelfth Division captain screeched. "WHAT PART OF EACH TO THY SIDE DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND, YOU OAF?"

"I understood completely, but I wanted to see how serious you were about that exclamation," Zaraki grinned maliciously. "I really didn't believe a scientist pick a fight, and I was right. Oh look, I rhyme." (I know…OOC moment…)

Mayuri did something only girls did. He made an "UUUGH!" noise and stormed off to the bathroom.

* * *

Things were relatively quiet where Unohana-taicho and Isane-fukutaicho were.

Basically, the two were unpacking, engaging in little conversation.

"Unohana-taicho! What are you going to do tomorrow?" Isane asked in an excited manner, rummaging through her bag to find her pajamas.

"I'm pretty sure the sotaicho will be holding the tour of the island tomorrow…" the captain replied. "That will take up the whole morning. He always finds a way to incorporate group activities for you youngsters, so I guess I'll just sit and enjoy watching how it goes,"

"I see." Isane murmured, looking out the window.

* * *

Isane's sister, Kiyone, was involved in yet another argument with Sentaro.

"I CALL THE SHOWER!" the hyperactive girl yelled.  
"NO, I GET THE SHOWER!" Sentaro retorted, shoving Kiyone aside.  
"DON'T TOUCH ME YOU BUTT HEAD, LADIES FIRST!" She pushed him back.  
"YOU DON'T ACT LIKE A LADY, SO ARE YOU CONSIDERED ONE?" Death glare.  
"DAMN STRAIGHT I AM, SO GIVE ME THE FREAKING SHOWER!"  
"NO! I NEED IT MORE THAN YOU, YOU PRISS!"  
"OH YEAH, AND WHY IS THAT, YOU ASSHOLE?"

"BECAUSE I AM A MAN, AND GUYS NEED TO SHOWER!"  
"YOU ARE NOT A MAN, NOT EVEN CLOSE! YOU'RE JUST AN OVERSIZED BABY WHO CAN'T DO ANYTHING FOR TAICHO!" Kiyone screamed, kicking Sentaro in the shins.

Sentaro winced and slugged her right back.  
"OH YEAH, AND SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU DONE ANYTHING FOR UKITAKE-TAICHO?"

Kiyone humphed. "I do things for him every day," she nodded forcefully, as though rearranging papers to be in a nice neat stack was doing something for Ukitake.

"Rearranging papers is NOT doing something for taicho," Sentaro responded.

"And putting fresh flowers on his desk every day is? REALLY, Sentaro, use some common sense." Kiyone rolled her eyes.

"WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU DO ANYTHING BETTER!"  
"REARRANGING PAPERS SAVES UKITAKE-TAICHO TIME!"  
"IF THAT'S THE CASE, PUTTING FRESH FLOWERS IN FOR HIM IS HIS STRESS RELIEVER!"

And they kept going and going…

* * *

Across the hall, Ukitake sighed.

"What's the problem?" Kyoraku inquired, looking up at the ceiling where glow-the-dark stars dotted the black paint. (A/N: as for why the old guys' room has glow-in-the-dark stars, you'll find out soon enough. COUGH a few chapters later COUGH maybe never HACK COUGH)

"My third seats," Ukitake groaned. "Their constant bickering is going to drive me crazy! I can hear them from across the hall,"

Kyoraku turned his head towards the door and nodded. "Now that you bring up the topic, I can hear it too,"

"_YOU DON'T ACT LIKE A LADY, SO ARE YOU CONSIDERED ONE?"  
"DAMN STRAIGHT I AM, SO GIVE ME THE FREAKING SHOWER!"  
"NO! I NEED IT MORE THAN YOU, YOU PRISS!"  
"OH YEAH, AND WHY IS THAT, YOU ASSHOLE?"_

The brunette captain raised his eyebrows.  
"At least my Nanao-chan isn't so farfetched. I guess I should be happy, even though she is terribly disappointing at times,"

Ukitake looked at his friend. "Trust me, you have no idea…"

* * *

Back with the icy noble and feisty hornet, brainstorming was going at its best.

"I say we TP some things…" Soi Fon said, scanning her list. "Also known as: PEOPLE."

Byakuya didn't seem convinced. "They'd have to be asleep and a very deep sleeper in order for you to do that…"

"OR, we could shunpo around them like crazy and run off like we're gonna die," Soi Fon responded.

"That seems rather immature for two captains to do," Byakuya said.

"Ok, so what's your idea, oh my noble, arrogant, genius?" Soi Fon asked.

Byakuya frowned. "I'm not arrogant. If you remember, everyone gets assigned kitchen duty."

Soi Fon narrowed her eyes. "So?"

"You could overspice the food," Byakuya evilly grinned. "It would be amusing to watch the lieutenants gag over their breakfast. It's not that hard to overspice someone's miso soup without them knowing,"

"Ok, ok, you win on that one…" Soi Fon muttered. "I say we handicap a bathroom…or two."

"Utilizing what, may I ask?"  
"The usually harmless material of JELLO, a. k. a. gelatin."

"By all means, blaze away in your explanation, because I can't imagine what gelatin could do to a bathroom,"

Soi Fon cackled with glee.  
"Ok, you know how gelatin reacts with water, right? It turns into a wobbly solid. Basically, we're gonna put that bowl, and watch them spaz. There are going to start freaking out on why the toilet won't flush, and why their shit is just sitting on top of water."

Byakuya just shook his head, half in amusement and half in how crazy this was going to be.

* * *

Far away in the private, unknown, fourth floor was a very amused Yamamoto Genryusai. Apparently, he had security cameras set up in every single dorm, and was watching all the mayhem that was occurring.

"Ah, Byakuya and Soi Fon are up to something…again," The sotaicho observed, watching them write down prank ideas. "And the Thirteenth Division's 3rd seats are at it again…Ukitake and Kyoraku are, well, talking, the young male lieutenants are gaming, the girls are gossiping, and Zaraki and Mayuri are NOT cooperating."

He sighed. "Maybe I shouldn't have put those two in the same room…"

Sasakibe being Sasakibe immediately reassured his captain. "Of course not taicho! They just need some time to adjust…right?" Getting no response, he decided it would be best to just shut up.

"Wait…why are Yoruichi and Urahara out of their rooms? Where are they?"

* * *

Back in the girls' room, they were talking about their division members while listening to whatever happened to be on Momo's iPod. For once, Nanao and even Nemu were being talkative.

Of course, Nanao had a lot to rant about for her captain.

"He's such a pervert. I swear, the only reason why he tries to hit on me is because no one else HAS to go near him," she said. "And half the time, he's drunk! I really need to find where the fuck he hides that sake of his,"

Rukia laughed. "You think your taicho is bad? My 3rd seats are worse! All I hear every day when I'm in the headquarters is them bickering about something totally unrelated. You can see why I never want to go back to headquarters unless I HAVE to,"

"Hey, at least your taicho doesn't have a stick shoved up his ass all the time," Rangiku added. "Seriously, taicho needs to get a personal life, EH MOMO?"

Momo glared at the ginger. "WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ME?" she wailed.  
"Try taking care of a whole squad as a fukutaicho! That's hard!"

"Psht. Well, your captain's not the one who spends his days in the dark looking at a screen, talking to himself, and laughing maniacally while he performs experiments, right?" Nemu stated.

Everyone shut up. _WOAH. Nemu just dissed her own captain._

"I may appear to be the obedient lieutenant and daughter, but enough is enough…" Nemu rolled her eyes. "I don't understand HALF of the reasons of why he does these eccentric experiments,"

Naturally, Yachiru broke the order of things. "YACHIRU LIKES THE ELEVENTH DIVISION!" She pouted. "Ken-chan is nice once you get to know him,"

Seeing that it would be hard to return to the original topic, the girls decided to call it a day. They switched off the lights and climbed into their respective bunks.

* * *

"BAM, AND YOU'RE DEAD!" Renji yelled, throwing the controller to a half awake Izuru. "CATCH KIRA!" The controller smacked Izuru Kira dead on in the face.

Izuru frowned. "This game has you overly hyped up Renji…" he mused. Sighing, he picked up the control and sat down.

The guys played for another hour or so and called it quits.

* * *

In Isane and Unohana's room, it was already dark. This is also known as Isane having odd dreams and Unohana just sleeping.

(A/N: I'm sorry…nothing interesting came to mind…)

* * *

In the room of the Thirteenth Division third seats, it was finally quiet. The two finally were tired of arguing and were about to go to sleep when…

"DUDE! WHAT THE HECK? STAY ON YOUR SIDE OF THE BED!" Kiyone yelled, shoving Sentaro out of the bed and onto the floor.

"OI, WHAT'S YOUR ISSUE? I WAS JUST ABOUT TO SLEEP, DAMMIT!" Sentaro yelled back, jumping back onto the side of the bed.

"WHAT PART OF PERSONAL SPACE DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?"  
"I DO UNDERSTAND IT! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?"  
"YOU WERE ON MY SIDE OF THE BED!"  
"YOUR SIDE? HOW THE FUCK WAS I TO KNOW IT WAS YOUR SIDE?"  
"COMMON SENSE YOU IDIOT, IT'S CALLED THE HALF RULE!"  
"HAHAHA! ARE YOU SERIOUS? THERE AIN'T NO RULE LIKE THAT!" (I know, I know…bad grammar. XD)

But as we all know, everybody gets tired and they drifted off to Dream Land.

* * *

Being who he was, Ukitake was getting exhausted.

"I don't know about you, but I'm calling it a night," he remarked, walking off to the bed.

Kyoraku yawned. "Me too. It look as though your third seats finally shut up,"

Ukitake looked at the general direction of the door.  
"Yeah,"

* * *

"Ok, so we're going with the gelatin and the overspicing." Soi Fon recounted. "That seems pretty mild compared to what we can do…"

Before Byakuya could respond, the door came flying open. Being captains, they leapt to their feet ready for an attack, even though they were on vacation. (A/N: Shinigami Rule #00285: Never be off guard, even on break. Just kidding…this isn't actually a rule. So don't spend time looking for it)

To their chagrin, it was only Yoruichi. Well, "only" was an understatement.

"Hey," Yoruichi grinned.

Byakuya put on a glare and Soi Fon panicked.

"Yoruichi-sama! What are you doing?" Soi Fon hid the paper in a casual manner. (cough, horrible stealth moment)

"Checking in on my favorite kiddies, that's all." Yoruichi replied. "Isn't that right, Bya-bo?"

The Byakuya Kuchiki glare intensified into the Byakuya Kuchiki DEATH glare. (There is such a big difference. XD)

"Why did you pick the lock?" he inquired. "You could have knocked,"

Yoruichi smirked. "I thought you knew by now that that is not my modus operandi," she plopped herself down on the floor. "So, whatcha doin?"

"Planning ways to prank the subordinates," Soi Fon replied, only to receive yet another death glare from the glowering Kuchiki, who was sitting on his chair in a very dark mood. (You know, in anime, when they are in have "shadows" around them and are pissed) Soi Fon internally slapped herself.

"REALLY? THAT'S WONDERFUL YOU TWO!" Yoruichi screeched in an unnecessarily loud voice. Byakuya's hair went flying from the volume of her voice. He frowned disapprovingly. "MY TWO STAR STUDENTS ARE FINALLY COOPERATING ON SOMETHING!"

"Yoruichi, is it really necessary to scream? It's 1 in the morning," he stated, glancing at the digital clock on the night stand. "And, I am NOT your star student."

Ignoring his question and remark, Yoruichi reached over and plucked the piece of paper Soi Fon was failing at hiding.

"What do we have here?" Her eyes scanned the paper. "You cannot be serious!"

Obviously shocked, Soi Fon asked, "What is it Yoruichi-sama?"

"YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS! THESE IDEAS ARE SO LAME!" Yoruichi laughed maniacally. (You know, her WAHAHAHAHA laugh) Returning to business, she asked, "This is all you came up with?"

Soi Fon nodded. Byakuya just looked away. Yoruichi laughed again, this time uncontrollably.

Having had enough, the two collectively shoved out the laughing Yoruichi Shihoin into the hallway, closed the door, and sighed. They left the list as it was and went to catch some shut eye.

* * *

You're probably wondering where Urahara went. Long story short…

He went down to the kitchen to find something to eat for a midnight snack, only to be utterly disappointed at the lack of food in the fridge. Heartbroken and hungry, he went back to his room and cried like a baby until Yoruichi made it back (while laughing all the way) and kicked his ass for not getting her anything.

Just kidding.

He went downstairs to the kitchen to make some s'mores. In the process of making this snack, he accidentally overheated the marshmallow (causing it to inflate drastically) and watched it explode. After enjoying his midnight snack, he spent some time cleaning the marshmallow mush out of the microwave.

* * *

VOILA! I'm sorry about the long wait. I blame all the projects I have. :D  
However, I hope the length kinda made it up.

Now…press that little green button to review and tell me what collective beach event the Gotei 13 should do first!

-K-chan


	5. Time to Hit the Beach!

**Pandemonium in Paradise  
Time to Hit the Beach!**

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Time to perform my emo moment for the I don't knoweth time:  
(I DON'T OWN BLEACH!) T-T o O(WHY DON'T I OWN IT?)  
(Are you seeing my speech bubble and my thought bubble? XD)

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

DUN DUN DUN DUNN!  
It was a new day. (Because the sun set and then rose, and…wait…I don't need to be explaining this…)

ANYWAYS. Everyone around the house was slowly waking up. Ok, not everyone, and some, not slowly. Some were very, very SLOW.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Downstairs in the kitchen, the refrigerator and pantry was stocking up on food by itself (because this is Paradise, and things are magical like that).

Being the early bird he was, Byakuya grabbed a piece of toast and headed out for a stroll around the island.

At the same time, Nanao was taking her sweet time with her waffle and book. She was so happy that she was humming. At that point, she was for once glad that her captain slept very late.

Soi Fon just took a granola bar and went to enjoy the ocean air on the deck. For once, she could take it easy without wanting to kill Omaeda.

In the hallway, Nemu and Mayuri were arguing on what they would do with their failed experiment once they got back to head quarters.

"I say we just stab it and kill it. Put it out of its misery," Nemu stated, looking the captain in the eye.

Mayuri frowned in disagreement. "No, we must figure out WHY it didn't respond to the chemical…WE MUST OPERATE ON IT."

"We've been using the same test subject for a year. It deserves relief," Nemu responded in her usual unemotional manner.

The scientist fumed. "WHY ARE YOU BEING SO DIFFICULT TODAY?"

"Because I've finally realized what it means to have a life. That means making your own decisions and standing for them. I respect you for the life you created for me Mayuri-sama, but it is time for me to live the way I want to." the fukutaicho responded primly.

With that, Nemu walked past her captain, took a cup of yogurt out of the fridge, and walked off. (because she's anorexic like that! XD)

The poor captain was left sputtering in his position.  
"NANI? NEMU, GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!"  
By then, she was already out the door and out of hearing range.

Nanao raised her eyebrows in amusement at Nemu's sudden defiance. Whatever. Maybe the little ranting circle they had last night sparked something in her mind. But to Nanao, the Twelfth Division's drama wasn't as interesting as her book.

Ukitake then entered and saw the Twelfth Division captain who was in total shock.  
"Ohayo, Kurotsuchi-taicho." Ukitake said, totally clueless. "Wonderful day, isn't it?"

"NO." the moody scientist responded. He walked out of the room.

The white haired captain was confused. "What happened here Nanao-fukutaicho?"

Nanao chuckled and closed her book. She then proceeded to give Ukitake her summation of what happened.

"I see," Ukitake murmured. He then searched in the refrigerator for something to eat. Ukitake ended up with orange juice and an English muffin.

(A/N: WHY DO THEY CALL THESE MUFFINS? THEY DON'T LOOK LIKE MUFFINS! No offense to English people…if English muffins do come from England…unlike French fries, which are apparently all American junk food, not Frenched up potatoes)

"Yup," Nanao replied. She closed her book and got up. "Ukitake-taicho, I'm going to take a walk along the beach. Tell taicho that if he needs me," Nanao smiled. "Bye!"

Ukitake nodded. _What fun it is to be young,_ he thought._ My days of youth are long gone. SIGH._

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Meanwhile, Sentaro and Kiyone were waking up.

"HA! I WAS UP BEFORE YOU!" Kiyone shrieked, jumping out of bed and kicking Sentaro out.

"OW! BITCH, WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" Sentaro yelled, sitting up and shaking his fist.

"I dunno." the blonde admitted.

"GAHHHHHH!" Sentaro shouted. "NO! I GET THE BATHROOM FIRST!"

"HELL NO! I WOKE UP FIRST, SO I GET IT!"

And on and on and on.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

In the guys' room, they were slowly waking up…

Yawning, Renji stood up and hit his head on the top bunk. _Shit,_ He thought._ I forgot these damn beds were so short…OW…_

The consequent THUNK woke up Ichigo on the top bunk.

"OI! WATCH YOUR HEAD!" Ichigo yelled, always ready for a fight. (I blame Isshin…XD)

"Just shut up…" Renji said unenthusiastically, rolling his eyes.

"If I were you, I'd be rushing," a white haired kid said. "You don't want to miss out on the fun. Vacation isn't JUST sleeping, you know."

The two turned their heads to face Toshiro, who was standing at the door already in swim trunks and a T-shirt.

"Nehh?"  
"Volleyball tourney's today," the short captain said nonchalantly. "Ja,"

After the captain said that, there was a lot of noise as Ichigo and Renji smacked everyone awake.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Across the hall, Momo was up early as well. Instead of going downstairs though, she sat and enjoyed the view.

"NOO! CHAPPY!" Rukia yelled in her sleep. Momo looked over, noted that it was ONLY Rukia, and ignored the sleeptalker. "You can't take Chappy…away…from me…I WILL KILL YOU!" Rukia said loudly (and rather drunkly, although she wasn't drunk at all). She rolled over and fell off the bed.

"GAHHHH!" Rukia screamed, sitting up, now thoroughly awake. Noticing that Momo was staring at her weirdly, she said, "Ohayo Momo-chan!"

Momo blinked slowly and returned the greeting. Rukia's outburst woke up the 11th Division lieutenant.

Yachiru yawned and stretched in her top bunk, and then jumped down. "HIIIII!" She consequently shook up Matsumoto.

"MATUSMOTO-CHAN! IT'S MORNINGGGG!" she squealed.  
Although Rangiku didn't have anything to drink last night, it was WAY too early for her to be up.

"Meh…? What time is it?" the ginger groaned, turning over and trying to shoo the kid away.

"TIME TO WAKEY UPPY!"

"AUGHHHH…"

Momo tapped her friend's head. "C'mon Rangiku-san! The volleyball tournament's today! You KNOW you love volleyball,"

Rangiku sat up and muttered. "FINE."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Shunsui Kyoraku woke up with a yawn. "Neh, Jushiro woke up before me?" He sighed. "Typical," The brunette captain quickly took a shower and went down to the kitchen. Nanao was still there.

"NANAO-CHAN!"  
The said girl bristled in annoyance as she promptly closed her thick book and hit her captain in the head. "Ohayo taicho," Nanao frowned. She didn't think her captain would be up this early. "Why are you up so early?"  
"I just felt like it," the captain responded, whistling as he made a tour of the kitchen's inventory.

Seeing it would be a good time to leave, Nanao stood up and made her way to the door.  
"I'm going out, taicho. Have a good breakfast," she smiled slightly and breezed out of the house.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Soon enough, everyone was up. The group of guys gathered around the bulletin board near the kitchen.

"Heh. The volleyball tournament starts at one," Ikkaku muttered.  
Renji punched his fist out and yelled, "WHO'S IN?"

This question received bad results. (At least for Renji)

Yumechika responded first. "It's fine…I'm not a sports person anyway,"  
"Are you outta your mind? Volleyball's a girl sport. Well, for the most part," Ichigo sputtered.  
Hisagi said he was in. "Why not?"

On the other hand, Kira said, "I'm too lazy. It's such a troublesome sport,"

Renji sweatdropped. "This isn't going as planned…"

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Just as people were about to go do the things they wanted to do, an announcement came on via intercoms. The Hell Butterflies didn't get to come along. (boo hoo for them)

"Good day, Shinigami," Yamamoto said. "As you have seen, or have NOT seen, there is a volleyball tournament on the beach shore this afternoon. I am happy to announce that this tournament is MANDATORY. I suggest you start making your teams ASAP. Thank you, and enjoy."

Byakuya Kuchiki internally twitched. _Wonderful…just wonderful._

The pink haired fukutaicho giggled in a group of girls. "THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN!" Nanao sighed while Rukia pretended to be interested in the shapes of the clouds. Matsumoto rounded up the girls…Rukia, Momo, Yachiru, Nanao, Rangiku, and…

Renji immediately got all his guys together. That included Ikkaku, Izuru, Hisagi, Ichigo, and Yumichika. Toshiro was left to play with the captains.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

At the beach…

"Good afternoon shinigami," Yamamoto said. "I lied. I'm assigning teams." The old man smiled.

There was an uproar in the crowd. They had obviously been tricked.

Thus, Yamamoto began drawing names randomly to create teams.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

The divisions set out to the beach clad in swim wear.

The first match was Byakuya, Soi Fon, Toshiro, Hisagi, Hanataro, and Nanao against Renji, Izuru, Rangiku, Momo, Zaraki, and Ayasegawa.

The petite second division captain prepared to serve. "0-0," BAM!

At that time, Yumichika, our girly man, looked to find the volleyball flying in his face. Score!

"OW! SOI FON TAICHO!" he yelped, glaring at the ball.

The woman chuckled as she tossed the ball up and down. "Can't take the heat?"

The match was rather close, for byakuya's team was rather awesome, but the 11th division captain would not take a loss.

"OY, YUMICHIKA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" the Kenpachi bellowed.  
"Underestimating my opponent!" Yumichika answered without thinking.  
"MORON!" the fifth seat was promptly kicked off to the other side of the island by his captain.

The commander cleared his throat. "It appears we cannot continue this match for a team member has been…misplaced." Renji laughed at the choice of words. Yumichika, misplaced?

"so, next up, we have Ichigo, rukia, Kiyone, Yoruichi, and Nanao against Kisuke, Sentaro, Nemu, Ikkaku, Yachiru, and Isane!"

Yoruichi smiled congenially at her team. "Who wants to serve?"  
Kiyone screamed out, "OOH OOH ME ME ME ME!"  
Rukia rolled her eyes. _This girl hasn't changed,_

It turns out, Kiyone failed at serving. Nanao sweatdropped at the girl's attempt at serving.

"Wait! I got this! 0-0!" The ball hit the net. AGAIN.

"Uhh…" Ichigo was about to say something cheeky, then decided not to.

After a few minutes, people got bored of Kiyone attempting to serve. Isane just sighed as she watched her little sister fail.

At that moment, a thunderstorm made its way to the beach.

"Everyone back in!"

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**


	6. Looking Back: Byakuya and Soi Fon

**Pandemonium in Paradise  
Looking Back: Byakuya and Soi Fon  
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

I don't own Bleach. Sad right? Yes.  
Since this has flashbackies, the flashbacks will be in italics, and stuff happening NOW will be in regulary font.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

After the volleyball tournament got rained out, everyone huddled back in. In the evening, after dinner, everyone was called out to the auditorium.

"Erm, taicho, this seat has your name on it," Renji said. Byakuya raised his eyebrows. Surely enough, a seat front and center had "Kuchiki Byakuya" on a sheet of paper

Soi Fon walked over and noticed that she too had a seat. Next to Byakuya. Yamamoto walked over and said, "You two! Yes, that's right, those seats are yours! By all means, sit!" Woah. The sotaicho isn't normally this peppy.

The two captains sat down, meanwhile trying to figure out WHY they had special seats.

They were soon answered when the lights dimmed and everyone promptly shut up.

On the wonderful projector screen, the home movie countdown was beginning. At the same time, hand and feet cuffs sprang out of Byakuya's and Soi Fon's seats. "What the—"

And on the screen was a picture of Byakuya and Soi Fon as teen students at the Shinigami Academy.

"WHAT?" Soi Fon spluttered.

The old sotaicho chuckled. "Oh yes! Attention shinigami! The next few days, we will be looking back at the pasts of some of your captains and vice captains. Tonight, as you can see, we will be remembering the childhood days of Kuchiki-taicho and Soi Fon-taicho. Now, enjoy!"

The two said captains glared at the wall. And then they were reminded of the first day of "school"…

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

_A slightly pissed off teen Byakuya Kuchiki walked into the classroom. He was tall and lanky (like he still kinda is) and had his hair pulled up in a ponytail. Byakuya rolled his big slate gray eyes. You could see him mouth the words, "This is such an ass,"_

Renji laughed. He was quickly silenced by his captain's murderous glare.  
(A/N: btw, the classroom kinda looks like the ninja academy classroom in Naruto. With the like weird table/bench things)  
"Oh yes," the sotaicho paused the video. "We have this footage because Kurotsuchi-taicho's new memory recollection device."  
"Kekekeke!" Kurotsuchi cackled in glee.

_The teacher looked up. "Ah, Kuchiki, your seat is third row, right in the middle!"  
"Okay…"_

_Byakuya dropped his bag on the floor, sat down, and exhaled loudly. He widened his eyes as he saw that the person sitting next to him would be Soi Fon._

"_Fuck," he muttered, sitting down at last._

Soi Fon turned to glare at the captain. "Seriously? God."  
The Kuchiki just responded with a look that stated "What-did-you-expect?"

_Slowly, other students filtered in. Soi Fon, petite with shoulder length hair and bangs, found her seat next to the Kuchiki and sighed loudly.  
"Why do I have to be stuck next to you?" She asks, staring blankly straight ahead.  
"It's not like it was my choice," the noble retorted.  
"You assho—"  
Byakuya promptly slapped her across the arm and pretended to be "innocently" immersed in a textbook.  
"What the—oh." Soi Fon muttered, glancing at the doorway. She then had this eerie look on her face and said, "Oh, Byakuya-kun, your wonderful fan girls are here! Aren't you SO happy? You'll get to spend your classes with them watching your every move!"  
She received a death glare.  
"Sucks to be you!"  
"Fuck. My. Life." The Kuchiki hissed before he began to don his "yes-I-am-a-noble-and-I-am-totally-happy-to-see-you" face. It was so obviously fake._

Renji then laughed to himself as he thought, 'It must have took taicho quite a while to look sincere even though he's not.'

_While Byakuya got mobbed by the girls, Soi Fon just innocently sat there twiddling her thumbs. It was easy to tell that the Kuchiki was NOT fond of these people. His attempts to be agreeable were only half-executed, but the drooling girls didn't notice._

"_Oh, Kuchiki-kunnn! How have YOU been?" a redhead asked in the whiniest tone people have ever heard.  
"By the way, your skin is SOO soft," a girl murmured seductively while patting his arm._

Rukia shuddered. These girls were super creepy. As in, stalkerish creepy.  
In the back of the room, Kyoraku tried to be funny.  
"Nanao-chan~" He failed in attempting to hug his vice captain.  
"No. No. And NO." Nanao grunted as she pointedly used her fist to push her captain's face away.  
In response, Kyoraku just cried while whining about how his "Nanao-chan" didn't love him.

"_Just fine. Thanks." The noble sputtered out, flinching slightly by the touch. "Erm, okay…"  
He caught Soi Fon's eye and gave her a "PLEASE-JUST-HELP-ME-GODDAMMIT" look._

_Soi Fon shook her head no, smiled evilly, and stared straight ahead, ignoring him.  
"So, who are you deciding to marry?" another fan girl inquired, standing WAY too close to him.  
Byakuya gave a sly smile and said, "Isn't it kinda early to be thinking about that?" all the while trying to move away from the crowd._

"_ATTENTION!" The teacher yelled.  
The noble returned to his seat and shuddered. Touchy, creepy girls. Definitely no.  
Soi Fon turned to look at him and whispered, "I'll be better than you by the end of all this," She smirked.  
"Oh HELL no." Byakuya chuckled. "I will be."  
"You sure you wanna say that?"  
"I don't say things I don't mean,"_

_The two glared at each other (with lightning shooting between them), and the competition began._

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

_As it turned out, the two were equally matched. Intelligence-wise, yes. They differed in skill in different areas. Byakuya soared at swordsmanship while Soi Fon kicked butt at hand-to-hand combat._

_The video quickly switched to a scene at Yoruichi's place. The two were apparently training together under Yoruichi's watchful eye._

"_KUCHIKI BYAKUYA, GO TO HELL!" Soi Fon yelled, taking her time to block his incoming blows and strike back out at him.  
The Kuchiki heir just smirked while successfully parrying her blows and landing a few of his own.  
"How can you possibly say that when you can't even HIT me?"_

_The video once again switched to another scene, this time with Byakuya getting one-upped by Soi Fon in hand-to-hand combat.  
"Just give it up!" Soi Fon said, advancing closer and becoming more aggressive.  
"Never, bitch!"  
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"_

Ichigo laughed. "I can't believe your brother was such as asshole,"  
Rukia turned to glare at him as if to ask, "Seriously? Jerk…"  
"What? It's true! He still is assholey today!"  
Ichigo received a death glare from the Kuchiki head from the front row.  
"Eheheh…."

_The presentation then flash-forwarded a few years. The two captains had received their zanpakutos and were being lectured by their teacher about shikais and bankais._

"_Okay, so there will come a time when you have a dream…about your shikai. It will come to you one day. Your zanpakuto will tell you what to do, and VOILA! You have found your shikai!"_

"_Why does this sound like philosophy all of the sudden?" Byakuya joked, rolling his eyes.  
Soi Fon turned to glare at him. "Shut up. The comments don't make this lecture any more interesting,"  
"ACHEM." The teacher coughed, glaring at Byakuya.  
"Sorry, continue." The Kuchiki responded in an innocent tone._

_A few days later, Soi Fon showed up at school with a pissed off expression._

"_Why the pissed face, Soi Fon?" Byakuya inquired in a fake-emphatic tone.  
"I had a bad night. Couldn't sleep. Dreamt of wasps chasing me," the petite girl grumped.  
A few seconds passed before Byakuya's eyes widened. "SHIT! You're gonna know your shikai before me. How can YOU be pissed about that? I should be the one who should be pissed!"  
"WELL, unless you want a shikai involving BEES or other stinging insects of the sort, stop complaining!"_

_The next day, Byakuya came in with a horrified expression.  
"What up?" Soi Fon asked nonchalantly during class, all the while staring at the teacher as though she was really paying attention.  
"I dreamt of flying pink petals chasing me." Byakuya replied in a robotic fashion, his big eyes wider than usual. "I think they were cherry blossoms and they were razor sharp."  
Soi Fon stifled her laughter and cried at the same time because it was just so hilarious.  
"WHAT? PINK? OH MY GAWDDDDDD!" she snickered softly. "Maybe you ARE a girl! AHAHAHAHA—"  
The heir just frowned, glared, and promptly smacked her upside the head for good measure._

Ukitake chuckled to himself as he reminisced at the old days. Kuchiki Byakuya was definitely hotheaded as a child, yet so many things had changed since then.

_The next few clips showed the two becoming teacher assistants for a while and then showed them entering the ranks as unseated members._

_At this point in time, Soi Fon wore the standard shinigami outfit and had her odd boyish pixie cut. Byakuya wore a sleeveless shinigami outfit with his hair tied up._

"_A captain will be waiting for you outside to give you your squad assignments," the sotaicho said._

_Confused, the two walked out of the First Division headquarters to find the one and only Shihoin Yoruichi._

"_Soi Fon! Byakuya-bo!"  
The former Second Division captain received two different responses.  
"Yoruichi-sama!"  
"WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE YOU, DEMON-CAT?"  
The Shihoin laughed as the Kuchiki fumed in obvious annoyance.  
"Well, you guys are special cases," Yoruichi said, motioning for them to follow her. "You guys are gonna get to float around to all the divisions and help out. Go to Ukitake first,"_

_Still confused, the duo entered the Thirteenth Division.  
"Ukitake-taicho, is there something you needed us to do?" Byakuya asked.  
"You two could help me move that stack of papers over here so that I don't have to walk all the way across the room for it," Ukitake grinned.  
"Jeez Ukitake-taicho, I didn't know you were soo lazy," Byakuya joked._

_After the job was done, they wandered over to the Twelfth Division headquarters. Slowly, it dawned on them that it was Urahara's division._

"_WHY ARE YOU HERE?" Sugisaki Hiyori demanded as she blocked the front door.  
"We're here to see Urahara-taicho," Soi Fon said plainly, wondering why this girl was so…aggressive.  
Before Hiyori could come up with a comeback, Urahara arrived.  
"Byakuya, Soi Fon! Ignore Hiyori-chan, she's always like that,"  
"AM NOT!"_

_As soon as they walked inside, Urahara announced "You will be my lab assistants today!"  
He was met with dull looks. "Whaaaa—"  
"You heard him! LAB ASSISTANTS." Hiyori emphasized. The duo shot her an annoyed glare._

_Next thing you know, things were running amuck as Byakuya tried to fix his error by pressing all the other buttons on the keyboard, causing random things to blow up (watch the Zanpakuto Unknown Tales filler arc with Senbonzakura getting panicky and pressing everything, causing massive destruction—same idea)._

'So this is what Ukitake-taicho meant when he said Senbonzakura was like a younger taicho.' Renji thought, raising his eyebrows as he watched the screen.  
In front, Hitsugaya Toshiro had fallen asleep, deciding to take the time to "grow" instead of laugh at his colleagues' embarrassing moments.

"_YOU IDIOT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Hiyori and Soi Fon asked in synch.  
"DOES IT LOOK LIKE I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING?" Byakuya yelled in return, this time actually trying to find the "cancel" button or the equivalent of it before pressing another one that would cause another random explosion.  
Urahara then came up, pressed the right button, and said, "No big deal,"  
He received looks of surpressed shock, for most of Seireitei and the headquarters looked like they had been bombed._

'Dang, nii-sama was really awkward in his day,' Rukia mused, chuckling to herself.

_The next day, Soi Fon and Byakuya hesitated before entering the Eleventh Division._

_Before they were through the front door, they were surrounded by four members.  
"You two are the helpers for the day, right?" the one with the afro said.  
"Erm, yeah." Byakuya replied bluntly, moving his hand to his sword. Soi Fon did the same.  
"Okay then! That means you're bait for training today!" the second guy with spiky platinum blonde hair said.  
Before the two could process what that meant, they were ushered (or shoved) into the headquarters where six other members were waiting for them._

"_What the fu—" all ten members began to move in to attack.  
As both Soi Fon and Byakuya evaded their attacks with Shunpo, they drew out their Zanpakuto.  
"I get it now," Byakuya smirked. "But it would have helped if you had informed us sooner,"  
Another guy grinned. "I've always wanted to fight against a Kuchiki,"  
"Why thank you," Byakuya replied sarcastically, pretending to let his nose grow (there's a thing where Japanese people believe that your nose grows if you are full of yourself)._

_Soi Fon just glared (for she was being entirely ignored) and yelled, "Hey bastards! If we are your training bait, then we're not here to talk!"_

_Byakuya easily saw that she only said this because she was jealous that he was getting all the attention and the Eleventh Squad members were simply ignoring her because she was a short girl._

_And so the battle commenced. Our duo was very skilled, surprising the others. Unlike now, the two seemed to enjoy fighting, smirking as they landed a blow or surprised their opponents.  
Seeing that they would probably end up fighting all day, Byakuya decided to use his Shikai for the sake of freaking them out. Also, he was just tired of this game.  
Soi Fon would have done the same already, but she would receive laughter over how puny it was and how the hell it was supposed to affect them. Either way, her two-hit-death had not been perfected yet because she couldn't make the butterfly marks stay long enough, making Shikai a bad move._

"_Chire, Senbonzakura," Byakuya stopped smiling and then donned the face that many Gotei 13 members know today, his serious, calculating look.  
Unsurprisingly, he was met with a bout of laughter. It would take a while for the people to fear his Zanpakuto. So, he just stood there with his mouth glued shut, although it was apparent that he did not appreciate the derogatory comments. Oh well, that's the price for having something as awesome as his._

"_SENBONZAKURA? That is such a girly name!"  
"Aha! Look! His zanpakuto turned pink!"  
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAA!"  
"No, wait! His sword broke into a bajillion pieces!"  
"Look! They actually do look like a lot of cherry blossom petals!"  
"How GIRLY!"_

_Byakuya just frowned and let the petals slowly do their thing. Of course, he definitely wasn't allowed to kill them, so he just very deliberately let a few petals cut the back of their necks. He got a very simultaneous response._

"_ACK! IT CUTS!"  
"SHITTTT!"  
"YOU LITTLE FUCKER!"_

_The Kuchiki just sighed as he retreated to the roof and let his Shikai do all the damage. Soi Fon then motioned for him to stop. She then took this chance to activate her Shikai and just stab them all in random places for good measure._

"_IT HURTS!"  
"HOLY CRUD!"  
"YOU BITCH!"_

_By then, the sun had set and it was the end of another day. Ultimately the victors, Byakuya and Soi Fon departed the Eleventh Division feeling rather accomplished._

_When they arrived at the Tenth Division headquarters the next morning, Byakuya was almost met by a kick to the face. He dodged it and blocked the incoming blows._

"_HOW GREAT BYAKUYA! YOU'VE FINALLY LEARNED TO BLOCK ALL OF MY ATTACKS!"_

Ichigo sweatdropped. 'That voice sounds very familiar…why does it sound like…DAD'S?' He thought, staring incoherently.

"_Well, Kurosaki-taicho," Byakuya said it a very pissed off manner, "Your attacks are the same EVERY SINGLE TIME."_

"_HOW PERCEPTIVE OF YOU! JUST AS EXPECTED FROM A KUCHIKI!" Kurosaki Isshin yelled, causing the hair of the new shinigami to blow away as though his voice were the wind._

"_Anyways…" Soi Fon grumbled. "What do you need us to do?"  
"I actually don't know…eheheh," the captain replied sheepishly.  
"Okay, we're done here," Byakuya rolled his eyes and disappeared.  
Soi Fon turned around to see air. "WAIT FOR ME, YOU STUPID BUTT HEAD!"_

_When the duo ended up at the Sixth Division, they were sent to shelve and organize the Kuchiki library._

"_Seriously grandfather?" Byakuya inquired in disbelief. "In the morning, I wake up to organize it. When I come home, I spend hours fixing it. And NOW you're telling me I have to do it FOR A WHOLE DAY?"  
"Well, you have Soi Fon for company, so it should less boring," Kuchiki Ginrei pointed out.  
"THAT," Byakuya fumed, pointing at Soi Fon, "MAKES IT A HUNDRED TIMES MORE ANNOYING!" He yelled, receiving a death glare from the girl who had been called "that".  
"Excuse me?" Soi Fon hissed.  
"Both of you. Library. NOW." Ginrei ordered, taking no nonsense._

Finally, the torture ended for Byakuya and Soi Fon.

Byakuya sighed, wondering just how much crap he was going to get from his subordinates after this whole thing was over.  
Soi Fon was just glad that Omaeda never made it to the island in the first place.

"Taicho, I didn't know you were such a temperamental child," Renji snickered, staying a safe distance away. The Sixth Division captain just rolled his eyes.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

I know. I haven't updated in almost a year. O.o SORRRYYYYY. I have a tendency to get writer's block and then forget about my stuff…

Hopefully the next chapter will come faster…

-K-chan


End file.
